Everyone Knows Ambiguous Romance Doesn’t Work Out

So I’ve been busy at work lately which is why I haven’t been able to write my follow-up of Tony Leung Love. But right now I’m just sitting at home, a little drunk from a nice bottle of wine I (mostly) shared with a friend, and contemplating the relationship of Counselor Troi and Commander Riker.
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Riker was always supposed to be a lady’s man, but let’s just face it, if dude was ever hot, it was before TNG aired. To maintain his figure in later shows, the costume designers were clearly pressed to loosen his uniform. From the way he stands on the Bridge, uncomfortably tall and tight, one wonders whether he is squeezing his ass cheeks together or whether he is wearing a gurdle. If he ever wears casual attire, then he is bedecked in a flowing blouse that is apparently typical of playboys of the 24th century.
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Deanna Troi, on the other hand, is a hottie of the first order.
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In the show’s universe, Deanna’s sensuality is only slightly subterranean; her lusty walk and deliciously sexy accent tell you that she is probably a real tiger in the bedroom. Perhaps more textually based is Riker’s romantic prowess. Indeed, it is fabled. When he goes on vacay to Riza, he lounges in bed with various intergalactic babes, he’s got that self-satisfied smug, and several fellow shipmates make mention of the fact that he’s been around the corner and back.
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Together, Troi and Riker make up 87% of TNG’s romantic subplots. Sure, Dr. Crusher and Jean-Luc threaten to get it on every once in a while, but we all know Crusher’s small lips are sort of a turn off to the carnal lover Jean Luc. Also, and at the end of the seasons, Troi and Worf have a thing, but everyone knows that was a horrible idea. Finally, in one of the movies, I’m pretty sure Riker and Troi get married.
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But that’s not till later. My question is, what the hell kind of relationship do they have *before* they get married?
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Sometimes, when Riker and Troi are in intimate situations, Riker calls Troi something along the lines of “mmzadi,” which is a Betazoid word for “beloved.” The couple makes reference to times they used to have; their love existed outside and before the TNG universe began. When they both applied to work on the Enterprise, I think they foolishly did something like put their work before their personal lives in order to perform their duties most admirably.
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Once on the Enterprise, the two occasionally have reasonable talks about whether or not they made the right decision in leaving one another. Sometimes, they kiss. Yeah, that’s right. There’s an episode where they beam down for a romantic picnic, and Riker takes Troi’s head in his hands, and he probably calls her Mmzadi, and then he fucking kisses her! Just like that!
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Doesn’t anyone else think that is crazy? Imagine if your life was romantically on-hold INDEFINITELY, while your true love and you had to interact all the damn time at work. And then one day, you’re just going about your business, though maybe wearing a pink space-age frock, and your exboyfriend just kisses you! But you know nothing will come of it! How would that feel?!
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The point is, Troi and Riker’s relationship would never work out in real life. Eventually, someone would get jealous, someone would get lonely, or they’d have a horrible fight and decide never to be friends again. But instead, Troi and Riker just go on for years in a romantic purgatory, always considerate of the other person, always still attracted, but never actually together! And beside Riker’s babe-cation on Riza, I don’t think either person had canoodled in the mean time!!!
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My point is, who the fuck writes Star Trek? The answer is: men who have never had romantic relationships. This is also the reason that Geordi has a romance with a woman he first met as a hologram. He falls in love with a virtual person. And he has sexual tension with the hologram. The previously mentioned episode, which is also called BOOBY TRAP, which no doubt the writers had a long, hard, especially hard, laugh about, is probably the most true-to-life shit the TNG writers ever thought of, because it portrayed all the struggles they had when they found out they couldn’t love the women in their video game universes.
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*the reason I added ^^^ between each paragraph was because I pasted this post from wordpad, and it wouldn’t let me format this shit correctly. I apologize for your viewing inconvenience.
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3 thoughts on “Everyone Knows Ambiguous Romance Doesn’t Work Out

  1. This goes into my favorites. I came across the same thoughts (although it didn’t extend to the writers) about their relationship. Especially since I was about to be in the same position, it’s evident to me that that is COMPLETE bullshit. I’m glad the dissent is up on the internet.

  2. haha, i have to agree with you and C. i must say, i found this to be a very interesting read. i especially concur with the point you made about riker kissing troi outta no where! really, how could writers just throw stuff like that in, then not elaborate? lol. thanks for your opinions; they were really entertaining!

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